harry potter and the bullseye
by sammisu
Summary: it takes place in target when the store is closed because harry potter accidently teleports there when a spell goes wrong. warning: CONTAINS ADULT THEMES


"How the heck did we get here

"How the heck did we get here?" said harry potter, after he accidently teleported to… target with luna lovegood and Hermione. "Probably a spell went wrong or something." Said Hermione. "Yeah that's probably it." Said Luna, not really caring. Its 12:00 midnight and the store is closed. Harry potter gets scared "wait, oh ST HOW THE FK ARE SUPPOSED TO GET BACK TO HOGWARTS?! OH FK!!" said harry potter with his facial expression turning from scared to very scared. "HARRY POTTER, WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!!" said Hermoine. "BUT IM SCARED!! HOW ARE WE GONNA GET BACK TO—OH ST WHERE DID LUNA GO, OH FK MAYBE SHE GOT KIDNAPPED BY A RAPIST WE NEED TO FIND HER!!" hermoine got mad "calm down! Swearing is not gonna help anything." Luna hears them all the way from the other side of the store and runs back to interrupt them. "Im okay. Calm down, stupid." Said luna to harry potter. Hermoine gets surprised at luna "Wow luna. What a thing to say to someone you want to have sex wi-" Luna cuts hermoine off and laughs nervously "Heh heh she was just kidding heh…" luna wispers to hermoin "shh… why did you tell him?!" harry potter gets grossed out "uh… eww… eww" says harry potter. He continues to talk "so anyway, we need to get the FK out of here." Luna walks away. "Where are you going?" says harry. "Im gonna go look for the porn section." Says luna, and walks off happily. "Well theres no porn apperantly I looked for hours. I guess a romance novel section is good enough." Says luna, in her mind. Luna finally remembers something important. "OH MY GOSH SUBLIMINAL SEX I FORGOT ABOUT IT!!"(subliminal sex is a song that gives you sexual pleasure if you listen to it.) Luna puts down the romance novel and runs to hermoine and harry. "uh hi…. Theres no porn." Hermoine and harry look at her. "Uh, we figured." Luna gets sad. "Well, wheres my wand?" says luna. Hermoine says "I think you left it at Hogwarts. What do you need it for?" Luna smiles "To masturbate." Says luna, smiling. Hermoine gets surprised and tells something to luna."What?! YOU USE YOUR WAND TO MASTURBATE? YOU CAN'T DO THAT IT WONT WORK AS WELL." Luna laughs. "oh that explains it." Harry potter laughs back "that's fking stupid. You use your wand to masturbate?! Im surprised you don't use a fking dildo to cast spells." Hermoin gets mad. "How many times have I told you to watch your language?" Harry potter says something stupid "And how many times have I told you to stop being a BH?" said harry potter. Hermoin gets mad "um, exuse me?" says hermoine. "What did you just call me?" harry potter continued to argue. "I didn't call you anything, you bh." said harry potter. Luna started to argue as well. "HA! YOU JUST DID, STUPID!!" said luna. "Yes, you called me the b word." Said hermoin. Harry potter continued to talk "yeah but only because you are." Hermoin got even madder, and just decided to ignored him. Luna got bored of watching them argue, and walked away, but then walks back right away. "Wait, what were we doing before you guys started arguing? "Trying to find a way to get out of here." Said harry potter. Hermione remembers something "WAIT, AT LEAST WE CAN SLEEP!! THERES A MATTRESS SECTION!!" luna and harry get overjoyed. "THAT'S PERFECT!!" Harry runs to the mattress section and goes to sleep, and so does hermoine. The only one in the store who is awake is luna. Luna has nothing to do, so she just sits on the bed and thinks about a porn video she saw on the internet when she was younger. It involved a girl who looked like her and a girl who looked like Hermione. Surprisingly, this aroused her. Since she was horny, she decided to masturbate. But then she changed her mind. Something popped into her head. "hmm… harry potter…. Sex… condom section." She ran to the condom section and got a condom. Wow, she has to think before she talks. She put it on harry and had sexual fun with him while he was sleeping. Luna makes pleasure noises, but there quiet. However, harry is a very light sleeper. Her pleasure noises woke him up. "yawn…I wonder what that nice orgasmic feeling is… wait, LUNA?! WHAT THE HL?! WHAT THE FK ARE YOU DOING?! Hermione wakes up. She doesn't even notice whats going on. She tells harry to watch his language, and then goes back to sleep. Luna smiles "hold on im almost done." Harry gets mad "I DON'T CARE, YOU HORNY PERVERT!! WHY ARE YOU SO NAUGHTY? I MEAN, I WAS FKING SLEEPING!! WHY THE FK ARE YOU TRYING TO GET AWAY WITH HAVING SEX WITH ME?! YOUR 14!!" Luna is finally done, and she gets off him and takes off the condom and throws it away and goes to sleep, blushing. Harry smiles "OH THANK GOD YOUR DONE!!"


End file.
